FIX IT! DON'T THROW IT AWAY!

I took a call yesterday from a man I met last Spring.  I met with him and his fiance before they got married for Couple Coaching.  Though he was not particularly interested in meeting with me at the time, his fiance found about me through a mutual friend and really wanted to do at least one Couple Coaching time before they got married. They were so impacted by our short time together that they have chosen to sponsor another couple to meet with me!
I asked him if he could answer this question for me:  "On a scale of 1-10  (1 being not very helpful and 10 being very helpful),  how would he rate the benefit he and his fiance gained from our one time together?"  He said easily a 9!   

They were proactive and met with me before getting married.  They have 'understanding' and new 'language' to use when (not if) challenging times come.  They have understanding that makes it easier to not become offended or hurt by MISunderstandings.  The same can happen in reverse.  I have met with couples who were so hurt, mad, offended, at each other and after meeting only one or two times gain 'understanding'  that takes the sting out of their hurt, anger or wounds and healing and restoration takes place.  It only takes two willing hearts  -  willing at any level - just willing. 

Though I do not want to minimize the degree of pain you may be going through, I want you to know that it is nothing short of miraculous what can happen in just a few times of meeting together - sometimes just one!

If you choose to take this step, you can expedite our coaching time by taking the Kendall Life Languages Profile by...

1. Logging on to: www.TheCoupleCoach.com 
2. Products and Services
3. Take the KLLP (read the instructions carefully)
4. Set up a time to get together.

Remember:  Successful marriage is NOT the absence of conflict; it is the effective resolution of conflict!  Let's get started!

Make the Magic Last or Strike the Original Match,   

Carolyn Santos

The Couple Coach
www.TheCoupleCoach.com
www.Facebook.com/TheCoupleCoach
330.603.8711

 

 

LOVE WILL FIND A WAY!

Great Marriages start and continue with Great Communication.

STANDARD COMMUNICATION TIPS:

1. Talk.........I try!
2. Listen......He/She won't!
3. Dialog.....Are you kidding me?
4. Repeat....Insanity!



 





......and together we take out all the guesswork!  


CUSTOMIZED COMMUNICATION TIPS: 
From Tuning-up your relationship to an all out Rescue - This approach WORKS!

1. Speak in his/her preferred communication style - his/her
    communication language.
    Question: How do I know what that is?
    Answer  : Glad you asked. Easy. 15 minutes of self-reporting
                     and you have your answer - for life in every situation!

2. Don't speak your preferred communication style and expect him/her to understand you.    
    -  reference Answer in #1.

3. Verbal processor? Cognitive processor?
    Very different communication needed to maneuver this territory. - See answer to #1.

4. How can I learn another person's preferred communication style - their Communication
    Language?
    Answer: Not hard at all. You just need the information with which to do it! 
    - see Answer to #1

5. Can this really make a difference? My husband/wife is not interested in meeting with you?
    Answer: If you and he/she can agree to do one session of Couple Coaching or a free
    consultation to dispel the fear or shame of "talking" with someone, the communication
    analysis that you self-report on and the Coaching itself will do the rest. Promise.

This custom approach to communication and your marriage is like having an MRI or CAT Scan for your body. What is revealed is Remarkable, Effective, and Accurate!

Would love to meet with you and yours for a FREE information gathering time over coffee in your home or a public place to see if this would be right for you.

Look forward to hear from you!  You will be so glad you did! 

The Grass is Greener....

I met with a couple recently who have been married a number of years but not doing well.  Hurt, resentment, bitterness, withdrawal, sarcasm, criticism, blame, verbal abuse, silent and not-so-silent pain, etc....you may be familiar with the drill.  Well, after our lengthy meeting (you can't accomplish anything in 50 minutes once a week) we were able to decipher the main taproot of the problem!  Yep, you guessed it!  He is "speaking his language" to her expecting that to meet her needs; and she is "speaking her language" to him expecting that to meet his needs. 

 
IT DOESN'T WORK!  And, as you might imagine, the grass was looking greener on the other side.


In order for you, me, anyone to have our needs met, our spouse or partner has to acknowledge that OUR needs are OUR needs and seek to meet them.  

It's simple, right?  Wrong!  UNLESS....you have insight into your spouse or partner that they acknowledge is correct, accurate and...makes them jump up and down OR cry when they hear their need validated and acknowledged! 

That is where I come in.  With information you and yours give me online and in about 15 minutes, we are able to establish 'exactly' who each of you are and 'exactly' what each of you NEED from the other.  

THEN WHAT?  

That is where that powerful thing called "choice" comes into play.  IF you both are willing to work on accepting the others needs as real and valid and choose to die to self to meet those needs, there is nothing that is wrong that cannot be "righted". 

MY needs are MY needs.  They are NOT YOUR needs.  They are different - not wrong - just different.  IF we validate that those needs are real and seek to honor our spouse/partner by "speaking THEIR Language" you will find that your grass is GREENING UP quite nicely. 

Just because something "looks dead" doesn't mean it is dead.  As long as there are roots, there is life!  All you need to do is add a little water and enjoy again.  

I am very hopeful for this couple.  Why?  Because they really do love each other.  They just hit a wall they couldn't get over by themselves. 

The grass isn't greener on the other side. 
The grass is greener on the side you water!


Get the Magic Back, 

Carolyn Santos
The Couple Coach
It's more about communication than you think
www.TheCoupleCoach.com

...OR Strike the Original Match

I talk to people every day living in silent to eruptive pain and frustration regarding the level of intimacy, understanding and communication in their relationships or absent altogehter.  It doesn't have to stay this way. As long as two people are willing to 'learn' - notice I did not say 'deal with their stuff' - willing to learn and apply what they learn there is nothing that cannot be resolved, changed, healed and transformed.

From getting started on the right track as a new Couple to Make the Magic Last to Marriage Enrichment, or even a Marriage Make-Over, Couple Coaching is effective with only TWO REQUIREMENTS: 

1.  You acknowledge you need to work together on your relationship
2.  You are willing to 'understand' specific things about your mate and act on this understanding

Nothing is impossible to him who believes.  And nothing can stop a man or woman who has understanding.  With the right information and understanding, your magic can last or - better yet - you can  Strike the Original Match and watch as those flames of love and romance ignite again. 

It isn't hard and it doesn't have to take a long time.  Desire, the right understanding, and willingness!  That's it!

Repeatedly, I have been told that couples have spent much more on counseling over months or years and received less results than after only one time in Couple Coaching with me.  Wow!  With the customized tools you receive and by true understanding being gained, the only thing left is action.  Most of the time, the problem isn't an unwillingness to try; rather is it NOT KNOWING 'what' to do.   When you know "what" to do, the "doing" of it is easier.  Knowing what to do is what you discover in Couple Coaching customized just for the two of you.

Would love to get started with you today to Make Your Magic Last or to assist you in Striking the Original Match! 


Confidently,

Carolyn Santos
The Couple Coach
www.TheCoupleCoach.com
carolyn@carolynsantos.com

Fall Special for Blog Readers

LOST IN TRANSLATION!

LOST IN TRANSLATION!

Everything in life is accomplished via communication. You and I know all too well what happens when things are lost in translation.  Take a look at the 41 second video clip for a memorable example.  It's a kicker!

When I experience these kinds of situations it feels/sounds something like this:  "I know you think you heard what you thought I said, but what you think you heard me say isn't exactly what I meant - I think!"  It's the "lost in translation" cycle, right? 

Being a good communicator has little or not to do with if we can talk well; the real issue is: Can I speak YOUR language?   According to http://www.ethnologue.com/, as of 2009 there are currently 6,909 recorded, distinguishable languages in the world!  That is a staggering thought.  One North American who was asked how many languages he thought there were in the world replied:  "Probably several hundred"!  Ya think!  I probably would have guessed under 1,000 myself.  

Well, I have good news!  In the real world of 'communication' - regardless what ethnic language(s) we speak - there are just seven (yes, 7) communication languages!  And to make it even better, every person in the world speaks all 7 communication languages from strength to weakness.  That means that IF we learn just a few very simple facts about each of these 7 communication languages, there is NO ONE with whom we cannot communicate and do so effectively!  Granted there are more things that come with the mix, but essentially - it is WAY more simple than we ever imagined.  

Thousands have discovered the simplicity of the communication languages and their effectiveness in real life, every day.  I just met with a client this morning who said:  "I don't refer you to my colleagues just because I like you.  I refer you because this information helps me do what I do....every day!"  It's helped her, her family and her staff for over 10 years. 

The communication languages are simple to learn.   I call them 'organic to life'.  The information 'gets in you' and starts working.  If you choose to check this out, this is what I can guarantee:  it will be the last workshop you will ever need to attend to have excellent, effective communication for your life, your family life, or even your organization.  Oh! You don't like going to workshops?  Ok!  You can get this information in a multitude of ways!   

So, fellow Earth travelers, if you have anyone in your life with whom you find it challenging to downright 'impossible' to communicate with, you are going to be pleasantly surprised!  I make communication simple and effective for people!  How?  Shout out to me and let's 'talk' about it and get freed us from the 'lost in translation' cycle. 

CAROLYN SANTOS
The Couple Coach                      



MAKE THE MAGIC LAST!
Today, too many couples find the "magic" to connect but fail to cultivate the kind of intimate communication necessary to make their magic last.

We have counselors, coaches and services available at every turn AFTER the marriage or partnership is entered into, but what about BEFORE?  There may have been a few premarital counseling appointments if required by your faith  or by your choice.  What did you learn?  Do you remember?  Was it information or was it revelation? Information does little when it comes to cultivating a lasting relationship.  Revelation, on the other hand, occurs at levels that impact not only the brain, but your heart, soul and spirit regarding not only HOW your Beloved needs you to reach out or communicate with them, but also WHY!  Revelation Knowledge and Understanding WHY your spouse or partner needs you to do or not do / say or not say certain things are vital and necessary to Make Your Magic Last.

THE HOW .vs THE WHY!

Knowing HOW to do something will only get you so far!  Knowing the WHY behind the action, the words, the 'whatever' will give you PURPOSE for your choices in your relationship.  Knowing HOW without understanding and embracing the WHY behind how your words or actions bless (or not so much) your partner is one of the primary reasons we find ourselves in conflict.  Knowing and understanding the WHY keeps your love for the other person and his/her needs forefront in your heart and mind.  LOVE generates the desire; knowing the WHY motivates us with purpose.

COUPLE COACHING WITH CAROLYN 

Whether you are engaged and have your date planned or whether you have been married or together for decades, Couple Coaching with Carolyn will positively rock your world and put a proven tool with customized revelation about each other in your hearts and hands.  From there it becomes daily choices to love each other strategically and consistently based on knowledge and revelation about each other - the HOW and the WHY.  The customized information you will receive is based totally from self-reporting - no guesswork involved.  It is accurate, will give you a foundation for your entire life, and comes with Carolyn's personal guarantee. 


SO WHAT'S NEXT?

Contact Carolyn today to schedule your Couple Coaching.  Carolyn meets with people in person in the location of your choice (if you are in her area), or via any number of ways to connect on the Web.

You are investing a lot of money for your family and friends to celebrate your ceremony with you; invest a little money to Make Your Magic Last!


TESTIMONIAL:

(married 30+ years)
Carolyn’s couple coaching has been a blessing to our lives and marriage. We have a very good marriage of over 30 years, but still had some trouble in the area of communication. Carolyn taught us how we were each communicating through "our own" Life Languages instead of each others. Her coaching helped us see each others perspective in a way that made sense. She helped us really understand our own preferred communication styles and, more importantly, how to "speak" each others to meet each others greatest needs out of love and respect. We highly recommend Carolyn as a trustworthy, sensitive and impartial coach who has incredible insight into communication and relationships. She has enriched our lives!   Anonymous~ Uniontown, OH

(married just a few years_married by Carolyn Santos, The Couple Coach)
For Kyle and I, the couple coaching we received from Carolyn Santos was incredibly helpful. It benefited us by giving us skills to be able to communicate better and understand each others needs. Kyle also appreciated the fact that Carolyn understood things from the male perspective as well and was most unbiased. Doing the couple coaching over Skype made it easy since we live in California and Carolyn lives in Ohio,  and it made it personal as well. The pricing for what we received was more than fair and well worth it. We both agree that couple coaching with Carolyn is one of the best spring boards for our life together and we would highly recommend it to anyone.
~ Kyle and Flower Fryar, Chico, California