The Grass is Greener....

I met with a couple recently who have been married a number of years but not doing well.  Hurt, resentment, bitterness, withdrawal, sarcasm, criticism, blame, verbal abuse, silent and not-so-silent pain, etc....you may be familiar with the drill.  Well, after our lengthy meeting (you can't accomplish anything in 50 minutes once a week) we were able to decipher the main taproot of the problem!  Yep, you guessed it!  He is "speaking his language" to her expecting that to meet her needs; and she is "speaking her language" to him expecting that to meet his needs. 

 
IT DOESN'T WORK!  And, as you might imagine, the grass was looking greener on the other side.


In order for you, me, anyone to have our needs met, our spouse or partner has to acknowledge that OUR needs are OUR needs and seek to meet them.  

It's simple, right?  Wrong!  UNLESS....you have insight into your spouse or partner that they acknowledge is correct, accurate and...makes them jump up and down OR cry when they hear their need validated and acknowledged! 

That is where I come in.  With information you and yours give me online and in about 15 minutes, we are able to establish 'exactly' who each of you are and 'exactly' what each of you NEED from the other.  

THEN WHAT?  

That is where that powerful thing called "choice" comes into play.  IF you both are willing to work on accepting the others needs as real and valid and choose to die to self to meet those needs, there is nothing that is wrong that cannot be "righted". 

MY needs are MY needs.  They are NOT YOUR needs.  They are different - not wrong - just different.  IF we validate that those needs are real and seek to honor our spouse/partner by "speaking THEIR Language" you will find that your grass is GREENING UP quite nicely. 

Just because something "looks dead" doesn't mean it is dead.  As long as there are roots, there is life!  All you need to do is add a little water and enjoy again.  

I am very hopeful for this couple.  Why?  Because they really do love each other.  They just hit a wall they couldn't get over by themselves. 

The grass isn't greener on the other side. 
The grass is greener on the side you water!


Get the Magic Back, 

Carolyn Santos
The Couple Coach
It's more about communication than you think
www.TheCoupleCoach.com